Jenett

I thought I picked carefully

The work ethic

Independence

But not the instability

Or the addiction

Yes to the big heart

But not the guilt

Somehow I picked up the anxiety with intelligence

The depression with the compassion for everyone but myself

The tongue biting despite strong opinions

I thought I picked carefully

Wether I loved her from a distance or try to get close the wounds are guaranteed

I cannot celebrate my accomplishments with the skeletons of my childhood all having one foot out their door

Affection and rejection are packaged together, especially if we are supposed to love each other

I thought I picked carefully

I want, no I need your help and support but I will resist and reject it even as it kills me

I don’t know what I’m doing but my inherited pride has me maniacally making major life decisions

Feeding and fueling the endless pit for resentment and regret somewhere in my core

He loves me, he loves me not

No these are not petals

These are my anxious thoughts that greet me every waking moment of my single, married, separated, married life

I thought I picked carefully

I am her strengths and her weaknesses

She loves me, she loves me not

I am her beauty and her disgusting flaws

They love me, they love me not

I am better, I am worse

I…

I thought I picked carefully

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One thought on “Jenett

  1. Great poem I’m defidently looking forward to read more from you . Your selections are like poetry gumbo , it’s satisfies my palate in every bite , the many ingredients are a perfect combination and shows that u have a seasoned flavor . I’m defidently ready for anothe plate.

    Like

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